I’m changing they say. You’re not that girl anymore who’s always there for us anymore. You’ve got this different attitude. You’ve changed your perspective toward people. You’ve changed the way you smile. Your tone has changed.

I’ve got this a lot in this past month, from my friends, family everyone who I deeply care about. I don’t blame them I know I have. Everyone sees the change but no one sees the reason why I changed.

According to me, each person goes through different weathers in their life. Currently, I’m in the summer of my life. If this is what peace feels like, I’m glad I changed. Not giving any answers, not having my heart broken by everyone, not being there for the people who don’t hold any value to me in their eyes, not crying every night myself to sleep.

Sometimes I do miss the old me, but it’s better to keep her buried in my heart than to get her out in the world of people who have given her a million bruises. It’s not that I’m out of love, I’m just out of hope of ever receiving the same love I bring to the table.

It’s a bit lonely, but better this way.

Remember that bubbly little girl who always laughed at stupid things. Whose giggles were funnier than the joke? She would light up every room she went into. The girl you fell in love with.

She’s no more. That girl you fell in love with is no more there. Thanks to you honestly. You’re not going to hear those lame jokes she used to crack in front of you and laugh at it herself. She’s not going to care for you anymore. She’s not going to cry with you on the nights you felt lonely. She’s not going to love you more than anyone could ever do.

You thought her love was a joke. You broke her so bad that she’s not herself anymore. She feels insecure about everything about herself. She thinks to herself every night that was her love not enough for the both of you?

You murdered that little girl in her.

You thought leaving her would be the best for the both of you. Why do you get to decide what’s best for the both of you? Who made you the judge of the relationship?

She’s cried her eyes out every night. Begged for your love from God before going to sleep. You were in her prayers even before she could ask anything for herself.

You won’t get punished for killing that little girl in her, for taking away her sparkle.

Congratulations, it was indeed a perfect crime with no punishment.

It’s not that I’m ever going to forget your face or your voice but you’re fading away. That feeling is where the flower leaves its stem gradually.

Those memories in my head are as fresh as the first rain when it touches the soil and there is a familiar scent from the ground that reaches your nose making you feel so fresh.

It seems as if the more I try to remember your voice the more the volume goes down a notch. The more I try to remember your face the further you seem from me.

The days I don’t hear your voice or look at you, my days seem to be incomplete. My days are short and nights are longer. I’m pushing myself to forget that scent from your T-shirt when I hugged you, I’m pushing myself to forget those long conversations even when we didn’t have anything in particular to say, I’m pushing myself to forget your face when you used to get mad at me and look like a red tomato.

The toughest part is pushing myself to love me more than I love you.

Sometimes I question myself if it only happens with me or with everyone else too wherein the 99 things you’ve done for the person are compared to the 1 thing you didn’t?

Humans have this tendency to only look at the negative aspect of any situation. “She didn’t do this for me”, or “He forgot to do this”. At that moment wherein we are questioning their worth, don’t we realize or remember the other 99 positives?

Instead of forgiving, understanding, and letting go, what do we do? Leave that person and create a perception about them in our minds that now they’re toxic for us and it’s time for us to pack our love and walk out of their lives?

What would happen if someone we loved did that to us? At some point in time, we all have been told to understand a person better try putting ourselves in the other person’s shoes. That’s the one piece of advice you can always apply in life and never regret.

Remember when we were small and used to fight with our friends over a rubber band. We would pull it with equal forces from the opposite side till it was too painful to hold on. In the end, the one holding the rubber band would get hurt because he held on to it for too long even after the one had let go of the other side.

This was so easy to understand when we were little but now we don’t apply this theory in life when we need it.

People hold on to unfinished relationships, friendships. Hold grudges against the other person not understanding that is only affecting him and not the other human.

I know letting go is something that doesn’t happen instantly. It takes a good amount of time just because we were in that relationship with all our heart and soul. We probably think that holding on would hurt a lot less than letting go of it completely.

There comes a time when we go in denial and a self-sabotaging mode. We are the ones suffering not them, not the world but us.

We might realize it a lot later but yes letting go would hurt a lot less than holding on to those unfinished relationships.

Understand to just leave your pieces in peace.

I’ve come across thousands of people in my life. I’ve been traveling since I was a child. Met people of different cultures, backgrounds, good, bad. I’ve seen it all.

Every time I meet someone new, I learn something new about myself. But some touch your heart and soul in a way you never imagined.

You might not be together for long but that period with them is just of pure joy and love. It’s all fun and games till reality hits.

You have this realization no matter what you do nothing is going to make them stay with you forever.

My grandmother once said everyone in your life comes for a certain period. Some people are meant to teach you lessons, some come into your life to help you grow, and then comes a special lot of people who will just make you fall in love with yourself.

Once they leave we are just left shattered with a billion questions going on in our minds. We start losing hope of ever finding someone like that ever again.

No matter what the distance is between them, doesn’t matter if even haven’t talked in years but our heart is never going to forget the warmth it once got. The heart has a little space for them that no one can ever take.

I think some things do never end.

You’ve left me again in the middle of nowhere. I don’t know where to go from here, what am I supposed to do, how am I supposed to live without the thought that you’re gone.

I’m not going to get any sneaky texts, we are not going to stay up all night cracking jokes and laughing our asses off, we’re no more going to hug each other and forget all our worries at that moment, you’re not going to show up outside my house in the middle of the night just to catch a sight of me.

How am I supposed to forget my best friend, the person who I considered my world, the person to whom my heart belongs?

That girl who I was with you, I’ll never be that girl with anyone else.

“My heart no longer felt as if it belonged to me. It now felt as it had been stolen, torn from my chest by someone who wanted no part of it.”

Can I get one more last hug? Can I get to see you again for the last time? Can we talk our hearts out again for the last time? Can you hold my hand and tell me you love me once again?

Remember the first time you told me you loved me? Remember the first we held hands and blushed like 15-year-olds? Remember the first time we hugged and felt a different type of familiarity in our bones? Remember when we gazed at the stars lying next to each other talking about everything in our hearts?

Can we have those first things again one last time?

Do you ever feel alone even in a room full of people? Do you think to yourself am I the only one feeling this lonely or is anyone out there pretending to be okay and is just feeling the same wavelength of loneliness?

I’ve had a lot of people in my life telling me I’m here for you and will always be. Some have kept that promise but most haven’t. Even a minor inconvenience would lead me to them for protection, advice, and help. Not realizing no one is forever.

In the end, you got you. You have to go to sleep with yourself every night, wake up every morning with yourself. You’ve been there for yourself from day 1 and no one got your back but you.

That sudden wave of loneliness makes us often question our worth not realizing that once you master the art of detachment there is no one more powerful than you.

Isn’t it weird to think we are all together in this but alone?

The walls around my heart are now unbreakable. No matter how hard you try, no matter what you do nothing is going to make those walls go down for you or anyone else. Not anymore.

I lowered those walls for you. Now I blame myself for it. Why didn’t I protect my heart, why did I allow you to shatter it into millions of pieces right in front of me?

Now the walls that I’ve built around my heart are unbreakable, no one enters it now. Not you, not anyone else.

Sometimes this scares me. If again I let my Gaurd down and someone breaks through my walls what am I going to do? Will I be able to build them again?

Why should I let anyone in? You broke me so bad that the pieces are nowhere to be found. Why did I get this for loving you so much? You got my love and didn’t even get your heartbroken.

Why do I have to deal with those sleepless nights? Going through those thousands of memories in my head constantly on repeat without pressing pause.

But I promise you now my walls are unbreakable

But I promise you now my walls are unbreakable.