Loving someone who doesn’t love you back is one of the worst feelings in this world. You question yourself what did you not do for that person to love you back? Am I flawed? What’s so special about that other person who’s so lucky to get your love without putting in even half of the efforts I put for you?

If you ask me what’s love, I would say it’s friendship. It’s a beautiful journey from being friends to being best friends to lovers. If you’ve completed this whole journey I would say I envy you. I do.

You can pour your heart in front of them and not feel judged, you can do all sorts of weird things in front of them, most importantly you can be yourself and feel loved for who you are.

We all come across such a human at least once in our lifetime. You just get that vibe of knowing each other for years when it’s just been months talking. We feel loved, protected, and most importantly lucky to have found “your person’’ and you would never want to let go of them.

When we find our soulmates according to us, we would do everything in our power to keep them in our lives even if it is costing us our happiness. When you love a person there is always a tiny part of us that is terrified about losing that person one day.

When that person, our person abandons us, we feel lost, we feel we’re not worthy enough. You just want to stop that ache in your heart at that moment.

Was loving you a mistake? Did I not love you enough? Most importantly did I deserve this?

What do you expect out of me? Did I tell you to go to that extent for me? What should I do for you to love me as I do?

Why do we keep expectations? Is it because you expect the other person to love as much as you do? Or is it because you know you’ll go to that extent for them?

This might sound a bit crazy but I strongly believe expectations are both a curse as well a blessing. If you ask me how’s it a curse, I would say it is something that eats you up on the inside.

It’s like a bacteria of the heart. Once you’re infected with love, true love. That may be friendships, relationships, sibling love, etc that you truly treasure. When you’re ready to give a small space in your heart to someone you care about, you, in turn, expect them to give you that amount of space in their heart to you as well. That is what we call expectations.

We are constantly shown time and again we can’t hold the same place in the hearts of the other person as us because that is something out of our control.

When you work hard for something in your life, your goals, you expect that you’re going to fulfill it with your hard work and your determination. That’s when those expectations are a blessing.

There’s a saying that goes, “With great expectations comes greater disappointments.” We are already in for a rough ride when we set our bar so high in context to expectations.

Should I stop expecting and not get disappointed? Let’s just put it this way, keep your expectations high on achievement and low on people.

What’s our purpose in life? Why were we created by God? What’s our motive? What do we do once our motive is completed? How do we know what’s our motive?

In my school of thought, our motive is to be the happiest versions of ourselves. There are 7 billion people on this planet and 7 billion ways that bring us happiness.

Pleasure for someone could be just a stroll in the park with their dog, it could be getting that dream job, it could be buying their dream car, etc. The list can go on and on.

In the quest to fulfill our motives, we often tend to forget to live in the moment. Worrying about the distant future, the stress that comes along with it. Living those little moments could give us so much satisfaction.

We are told always “Kid look at the bigger picture”. We’ve created this mentality that achieving a bigger goal or a motive can only give us ultimate happiness. Try living in those small moments, try to find contentment in those small things which might not matter much in the future but it does in the present.

Why always worry about the future, why are we failing to remember to achieve happiness in the distant future we are sabotaging our happiness today.

I think happiness comes from within. When you’re contented with yourself and don’t depend on anyone else for your source of happiness, that’s when it’s a win-win situation. It takes years for people to find their ultimate motive. Not knowing that it is within them.

Do you promise to stay forever? Do you promise to never lie to me? Do you promise to be with me in my hard times? Do you promise you’ll work with all your heart for this job?

We often come across this word. “PROMISE”. I’d like to ask you. What’s a promise? Why does this one word make us believe that everything will go our way or however we want it?

There may be a plethora of definitions for a promise. But in my opinion a promise is something that binds you together in a situation.

I wanted to ask you a question. Why do we make a promise? Do you make a promise to your brother that you’ll be his sister forever? No right? We make a promise because at the back of our minds we know there is a chance of the promise being broken. We don’t want to accept it but that is the bitter truth.

We know that nothing is going to last forever, nothing has and nothing will. Then why do we keep breaking our hearts for thing we already know is going to happen.

Humans have this tendency to feed on lies when our heart is hungry for love, support and attention. But we forget to understand that we wouldn’t drink poison when we’re thirsty. Then why our hearts?

I’ll keep my heart protected henceforth. I promise.

We often come across this line when someone’s been hit really bad on the outside. But what about on the inside? What do we use?

I’m currently feeling black and blue on the inside. A different type of hurt that is probably equivalent to the physical pain.

Heartbroken, hurt etc are the words we often use when something’s wrong on the inside. But is it always the matter of the heart? I don’t think so.

This time around the feeling of black and blue is because it’s my heart is bruised. Bruised so bad that it probably needs a doctor if it were for a physical injury.

Where do I go? What do I do? Who do I “consult?’’

I think when our feelings and our heart turn black and blue it does take a reasonable time to overcome that wound.

In this situation we are our own doctors. We have to open those wounds by ourselves, treat them, and close them again just in the hope that they wouldn’t have to be open again.

This is the first time I’m writing something and I’ve already started on a heavy note🙃

My question is what should I do to fill this void in my heart, the continuous pain in my chest, tears rolling down my eyes without taking my permission. I’ve asked a lot of people, read a lot and everyone has the same thing to say, IT GETS EASIER. I’m not a fan of this advice honestly. It’s been 2 years and the wounds are still fresh as new.

Sometimes this loneliness seems a curse and sometimes a bliss. But mostly a curse. How can you be okay knowing someone you love with all your heart is out there having the time of his life and you’re here just pondering over the thought that “ What if everything had turned out just the way you had imagined it to be?’’

I feel some people come in your life for a purpose and once that purpose is served they walk away so far that no matter how hard you try it won’t ever be the same.

But do let me know “ If it gets easier.”